A Review and Resonance: Miniseries, “Adolescence” gets 5/5 Stars

While this is my review, it’s also mixed with how it connects to my own life, especially as a mom…

(Spoilers ahead…)

(You can also follow my Movie/Miniseries reviews on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/brenjgoody)

I originally watched and reviewed this miniseries in March of 2025 on Letterboxd, but after a recent visit with my son in prison, I decided to watch it again. (It’s a strange coping mechanism for me, to watch shows that reflect similar pain. Others cope by avoiding such shows. We all cope in different ways.) Anyway, I decided to add my review and resonance to the show to my blog.

“Adolescence”: An ordinary, healthy, normal family’s worst nightmare come true. No easy “blame the parents” theme. No sensationalize-the-actual-crime theme. This show (thank you), tells the truth that yes, this can really happen to you and your family, to your son…

The immersive tension this show pulls off is so well done, and difficult to watch. I absolutely had to write about it. Just had to. I think we feel compelled to share, write, and discuss something when we see in shows: our lives, ourselves, our experiences, our loved ones, our worlds, and when we can relate, at least at some level, to the shows, movies, and characters we watch- especially ones that are created with such rawness, and realness. 

“Adolescence” hit me like a ton of bricks. It cracked my heart open all over again, lifting the lingering ache from the uniquely unwanted pain of moving through my own son’s fall into choices and consequences we could have never imagined would be his. Unlike the “norm” of adolescent learning from poor choices, with hopefully short term consequences, there is no grief like the tears and anxiety from what you hope never becomes the traumatic story of your own children, resulting in long term consequences, and worse- when the harm goes beyond just themselves, to others. “How can this be?” becomes a never answered question, at least not with certainty and clarity, which haunts your every day and every nightmare. It takes up disturbing space in your mind of ongoing analysis with only snippets of probability, and no satisfactory results. “Adolescence” captures this in powerful ways.

No parent should ever have to endure certain outcomes with their children. But we do. Death, suicide, disease, of course. But also, lonely is the parental path of seeing your child endure long term consequences from terrible actions, especially when it causes harm to others. Navigating the criminal justice system with your child as a victim is horrific. And, doing the same when your child is the perpetrator is a story rarely told, horrific in its own right. This show, and the story of my own son, are not just “minor” crimes (which are difficult, too), but when you are grappling with an action you can’t think of little to anything worse to top it, it complicates an already gut-wrenching grief. Such was and is the reality of many parents in a club they wish they never had to be part of, including me. Some of us are “lucky” enough to not be in the larger public eye, because that obviously adds an even messier shamble to endure, but it is still difficult to navigate among your own communities and connections nonetheless. Parents, like myself, who have been through this kind of reality, would never wish it upon any other parent. We all say that about hells we’ve been through, don’t we. (Poor parents with their sweet, tantrum throwing tots, and middle of the night feedings, you have no idea…) In all seriousness- those parents may eventually have teens where they can claim the fun and an actual preference for raising teens over toddlers. It gets so much easier (or better) they say. Well, not always. Or, those parents may find that it is far more difficult than the toddler years, but with expected norms of adolescent angst. Raising teens is tough all around. And then, there are those of us who endure the “not normal”, and it is a lonely, exhausting, unique agony.

I did not quite know what I was running into when I decided to try the show, “Adolescence”. I figured it might be difficult, but my goodness. I thought it might resemble a few similarities to what we’ve experienced as parents, but I had no idea it would be like a mirror was held to me and my partner and the ways we tried to cope. Not many people know the pain of having a child who makes a choice that harms others, and creates long term consequences- life long consequences, while those who love them suffer the ripple effects. The final scene in episode 4 was one of the most real and relatable scenes of two heartbroken, bewildered parents, who also happen to be good parents. While there are differences between those characters and their son, and me and my partner and our son, that scene was a set piece unlike any I have ever seen where I saw myself and my spouse mirrored uncannily, eerily, and truly. #CanRelate! While some children are directly impacted by having poor or neglectful parenting which leads to destructive behavior and/or psycho-social challenges, there is a subset of parents, like myself and my partner, who go through the hell of an outcome that somehow managed to happen anyway, even though their child was the product of a loving home, loving community, good schools, and healthy (albeit imperfect), conscious parenting. There are so many variables out of our control, but parents always hope the foundation will be enough, or will eventually come to the surface. Sometimes it is not enough. And even so, the hope is that it still holds anchors somehow, and that it will be a seed that blooms in future healing. This is our prayer. We parents, even with our own imperfections in these realities are tortured with a cruel and unrelenting specter, haunting us with “what went wrong?” It’s an evil, deceptive demon. Yet, when Jamie’s father asks, “Couldn’t I have protected him?” Jamie’s mother says, “No.” And then his father follows with, “Shouldn’t we have done more, though?” A grace is offered in his mother’s response: “I think it’d be good…in accepting that maybe we should’ve done. I think it’d be okay for us to think that.”

Speaking of the final scenes… it is common for those of us grieving a death, to go into the room of the one gone, or to go through some of their belongings and weep. Some of us do that, while our children are gone, but still living…

While our son was a young adult, 19, and the character in this show a young minor, 13, I found myself feeling in some ways glad ours wasn’t a minor, and also “jealous” (can that even apply?) that my son wasn’t a minor when he was arrested. (Imagine feeling jealousy over “arrest ages” instead of oh, I don’t know, something like the musical your kid has a role in, and the role they have, their acceptance on a sports team, or the college they got into…). Most parents can relate to the truth that when your adult child is in their late teens and 20’s, they still need you, perhaps even more than ever before. Even though I was heavily involved as a parent and advocate, not only all the while of my son’s life, but during the aftermath of his arrest: attending multiple hearings, communicating with lawyers, officers, case managers, therapists, etc., I did not have to be present for booking and questioning. Those moments in “Adolescence” episode 1 are harrowing. Yet, my son is deemed legally an adult and his consequences, because of that, will endure heavily in the immediate, and then ongoing for the rest of his life. But 19 is hardly mature, especially for young men. (He’s now 22.) And of course, his spiral downward started while he was a minor, and even though we saw it, and got him help, the outcome still became a nightmare. Even at 19, brains still have 5-7 years until they are fully developed, and even that is still in question. It may even be longer. While I did see, thankfully, my son’s age used as consideration by his defense and the judges who presided over his cases (there were 2), and it did influence his more lenient than expected outcome (his original possible sentence(s) spanned from 4 years to life), questions still arise over how our criminal justice system and rehabilitation efforts fit with these developmental realities, minor in age or not. My son is one of the youngest in a medium security prison (a private one- that’s a whole other story), with just under 1400 inmates, and he is being held in the cell block reserved for those deemed higher risk in the medium population. (He refers to it as “The Jungle”.) He has endured violence and trauma himself in prison, and also experienced solitary confinement for two weeks at a time, at least once that I know of. (Edit: He experienced solitary confinement again several times. He has been on parole, albeit briefly, and two different prisons since the one mentioned here a year ago, the second and third were/are state run, the second one he was in close-medium custody- a step above medium, but just below max, where he was much more limited in movement, and could no longer work a job. He is now in a third prison in medium custody again, but only because someone had mercy on him when his short-lived parole was revoked and he was sent back to prison and scored above the limit of medium security status. (He also has several prison tattoos- some quite impressive!) I often think about how the incarceration system should have a middle section of population, between juvenile and adult; there needs to be a section for ages 18 to say, about 26-28 maybe, because this decade of our lives, especially for men, has its own unique set of needs. There are however, exceptions to having an older adult mentor on the inside, but this could be a wonderful program incentive for the older adult populations. But I digress into what could become a whole other blog. There is so much to say about ideas for improvement, the prison industrial complex, the flaws, dehumanization, for-profit vs. state run variables and overlaps, staffing needs and high turnover, prison population dynamics and culture, mass incarceration that is unique to the United States, and its sin of white supremacy, disparities, statistics, and more, in our current justice system and incarceration realities- and not to mention the concentration camps and newly planned for-profit detention centers being funneled with billions of dollars and being built under this current authoritarian regime…) Deep breath…

Also potent in this show, in addition to that final scene, was the way the story highlights the older sibling. The firstborn, like my own, pulled at my heart: her role in the show, and the role I witnessed in them both, and in our own horrific circumstances was spot on. The sibling’s story is both heard and unheard. But she carries exceptional wisdom. Aside, and at times centered, but lonely, and filled with meaning that feels as if it will never be fully brought to light, even when it is tried. That’s the truth. A neglect we want so much to avoid, but it’s almost impossible. It is another heartbreak, on top of the other. At the same time, it is also a joy and a healing balm, a space of awe, and another, “How can this be?” asked from a different angle and feeling (also played out in the last scene, ep. 4). While mothers are often the rock in a family, an older sister can be the glue, even if she would have never chosen to be. 

Several incidental characters provided wisdom and warnings in their own ways throughout this miniseries. The show never centers the victim, and that’s sticky- DS Frank poignantly mentions how people forget the victim. Often society sensationalizes the perpetrators of crimes, and they become the focus of our fascination. But this show deserves accolades for telling the stories of the detrimental peripherals, and we need those to be seen and heard. It could literally save lives, and at the very least, bring to light the unseen and silent suffering of others on the outskirts of these tragedies. Shout out to actress Fatima Bojang who played victim Katie’s best friend. Her valid annoyances and justified anger were pieces of grief needing to be acceptable.

You might find yourself a bit impatient with the filming and conversations in this show. I was. At first it came across as a potential flaw, or an open door for critique. It’s almost as if the entire filming went unedited. But wait! It did! But, I realized not long into watching, that there was a powerful intent behind this, and one that provided a realism that cannot be denied. God, the waiting, the unknowns, the interviews, the tediousness, the boring yet daunting legalities, the cloudy aura and sound tunnels of shock that come and go in expected and unexpected places (like at your local hardware store), and phases, the slow moving criminal justice system, the dehumanizing procedures that carry the both/ands of necessity and the objectionable. The way life carries on while you carry this surreal reality and knowing in compartments of your mind, heart, like a rock in your shoe, or a brick in your pocket, depending on the day. The way a sense of normalcy, or the new normal occurs, but can be suddenly shattered by the pain, disrupted by an insensitive comment, or distorted by a reminder. And oh my, those harrowing institutional phone calls… 

The way the show combines the normal and innocent truths of being a child, like needing to eat (and cereal of all things!) is breathtaking. Reminding your child to eat when they’re not in a good headspace is one thing at the kitchen table, but in a jail holding cell? Showing typical teenage disgust over certain foods, something we might often chuckle at, happens while being interviewed by a psychologist. Having stuffed animals and a space-themed room, inextricably intertwined with personality shifts into anger and acts of violence from the boy who lives there was portrayed outstandingly. These are all parts of who he is. A family in a situation like this, deciding to order take out and maybe watch a movie? Celebrate a birthday? Buy a plant? Aghast! How dare they/we consider something so commonplace! How can something so authentically ordinary be true alongside something so extraordinarily abominable? The how, my friends, is just the truth and complexity of living and grief. It’s what we’d rather deny, or simplify, or what we will always struggle to comprehend.

The show does a great job of showing people in different roles seen from different perspectives: As the enemy? Or the person doing the right thing? It is often ambiguous and hazy. And we hate that. We want it to be easier to categorize people. It is not ever that simple, unless we cave to denial, generalizations, and full on dehumanization. And these people, these characters, their jobs, their every days, are just like us and ours, and are playing out in larger systems that contain their own complexities and flaws. If this series had been filmed in the U.S vs. the U.K., the weapon of choice might have been a gun, not a knife. Telling. Universally, however, is the underlying message that deceptive, online radicalization can ruin lives, and often goes unnoticed until it is too late, or gets to a point that when it is noticed, it is almost impossible to reel in. DI Bascombe played by Ashley Walters is brought to a new level of understanding by his own son’s explanation of how everything has a meaning in social media and messaging symbols, and then goes deeper into understanding how what happened to Katie, and what happened to Jamie, could even happen to his son. You see him shift into being a more intentional father. 

My generation was very much the test subject generation of parenting when smartphones came into play, especially during the modern era on internet accessibility of smartphones around the years 2007-2008. It was so challenging to evaluate, monitor, and know best how to implement and/or withhold. In our family, we didn’t allow our kids to have smartphones until high school. They had flip phones in middle school (and even those were problematic, and e-readers, too!) In addition, they were not allowed to have them in their rooms overnight, and we had parental monitoring installed, limited access to apps, etc. Looking back, I think maybe waiting until mid high school, or better yet not until 18, might be preferable! But I recall feeling like the minority, as many of my children’s peers had smartphones in middle school or even elementary school, and had TV’s and computers in their rooms. If our kids ever accused us of being “strict” that was why. We did not allow any of those in their rooms. And yet- I saw this negative online influence play out for both my teens in varied ways in spite of it all. And it seems as though the dilemma with smartphones, social media, computers, etc., is getting far worse as time progresses. Constant conversation and connection has to matter in the midst of these impossible, overwhelming realities. I so appreciate a show that highlights this fact.

The show was able to capture the truth of denial parents often feel when their child is accused of the unimaginable. As the viewer, at first, you feel the same way about Jamie’s arrest. No way. Not him. Not this adorable child who looks more like 9 years old than 13. Not this white, innocent boy…(because yes, our biases play out in who we deem “more likely” to have committed a crime, based on race, physical appearance, stature, etc.) The show plays out with more assumptions and questions such as these, including: Who is the bully? How does gender apply? What is going on in our society? What influences are seemingly motivating young men and boys to commit violent crimes, specifically against women/girls? It is an unavoidable fact, that toxic masculinity (see my other blog about this very topic), online misogyny, and male rage is playing out in dangerous ways. Make no mistake about the reason DS Frank’s character made reference to Andrew Tate. An appropriate name drop. Make no mistake that incel culture, the “manosphere”, and other dangerous online ideologies (including political), are gathering in young men in all manner of materials, brainwashing them and convincing them that their struggles in school, with girls, with their parents, will be resolved in finding a dangerous sense of “belonging” in various groups, ideologies, cults, and identities, with life altering impact. Some of which are exploited and manipulated into systems that depend on them for power. The wounds around what it means to be a man need to be healed so boys, and the valuable parts of all of us, in the masculine and feminine, are revered and flourishing. Yet, we would be mistaken to ignore the crises mentioned beforehand that can be the direct cause of these wounds.

The soundtrack was excellent. My favorite song that played in this series, and my first time hearing it, was the cover of Sting’s, “Fragile” sung by a children’s choir. (Link below.) The way their innocence and macabre tone created a narrative of tragedy almost incomprehensible by the still maturing brains who voiced it, with piano accompaniment, and a niggling solo ending was perfection, in musicality and metaphor. (Music by Aaron May and David Riley) I added it to my “N. Summer of 2023” playlist, when our particular hell culminated into our own son’s tragic circumstances and subsequent outcomes and experiences. (Yes, I made a playlist of songs about this- grief and lament songs, songs that remind or connect to all of that time, and him, and us. I find it to be just one of many ways to cope. Journaling, running, community, and therapy helps, too.)

There is so much more to say about this phenomenal show. Filming techniques, stellar acting, emotionally captivating, and necessary, authentic storytelling, reflective of real life dangers no family is ever fully protected from, but with which society can do far more to prevent. It’s a clap in our faces to pay attention. Netflix’s “Adolescence” gets 5/5 stars.

“It’s Jamie. Jamie’s ours. Isn’t he?” -Lisa Miller (The older sister played by Amelie Pease)

“How fragile we are…” -Sting. 

Indeed. 

youtu.be/AMSNZ8Mkftc?si=Y2DPmCJlv2G3nFFs