My Review of the Show, “Sex Education”

When I broke my ankle in December, I caught up on some shows. There was one I intended to go back and finish, and I am sure glad I did!

Content Warning: This review has *major* spoilers, and references to sexual assault. The show itself contains nudity, sexual assault, physical assault, and may be too sexually visual for some. It is rated MA-TV for Mature Audiences.

The Netflix series, “Sex Education” is healing, spiritual, and revolutionary. It covers topics on sexuality, relationships, diversity, and boundaries… while pushing boundaries. The show debuted in 2019, but I am often behind when catching up on shows recommended to me, so this may be old news to some. (I’m hearing, “Yeah, we know it’s a great show, Brenda. Geez, get with the times…)

“…If you can stay open, curious, and compassionate, that helps a lot…” That about sums it up! This quote from the show is also a good thing to keep in mind as you watch it in its entirety, especially if you start feeling judgment, criticism, or shame rise in you as you watch. Just hang on for the ride, because it’s worth it. (No pun intended…)

I’m a super fan of teen angst shows. Partly for the nostalgia. And probably because I had my own abundance of teen angst (don’t we all?) and so watching characters navigate theirs makes us feel less alone. Or, that our struggles weren’t “really that bad” if I can see others going through worse. But, truly we shouldn’t downplay our own experiences, or live in comparison. Life is enough. Your story is just as valid, wherever it lands on the spectrum of your struggles, traumas, and experiences. And yet, I know how I, like Aimee’s character and others, brushed off their trauma at times, in denial of the truth of the pain it caused. A pain that in real life might not surface until decades later, even if the symptoms began immediately. While the show does resolve things quickly (because hello, it’s TV), and while there are scenes that I thought went “too far”, or were unnecessary to the plot, I also realize that my own embedded shame may be part of why I felt this way. Isn’t that part of the point? Plus, I think the absurdity of some of the scenes is also part of the point; it is flipping the script on what the actual absurdity is- our repression, shame, silence, myopic views, and backward, obsolete, wrong and harmful attitudes about sex and sexuality, as well as our downplaying of the experiences and people in life that have impacted us, or harmed us, or the ways in which we harmed others. And so, while I do think some of the short story lines thrown into an episode here and there were a bit ridiculous, the long running character development, and the brilliant liberating points of the show were captivating and worthy of applause, and the point of the ridiculousness absolutely understood.

I’m also a big fan of theology through pop culture/art/music; the reality that the sacred is in the secular. As Madeleine L’Engle said, “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the incarnation.” This includes sexuality. The manifestation of the sacred and the spiritual is all over this show. One of the ways God shows up is in acts of solidarity. In community. Through people. There were several acts of solidarity among the students in different scenes, and it made me feel hope for the way many in our younger generations are really taking the lead in what it means to be in community, to care for one another, to tell the truth, and to stand up for what’s right. Spirit shows up in nature, and horses that heal, themes of how we all just crave connection. The show has great music choices, and is filmed in the lush land of Wales! (Lucky me, I’ve traveled there!) These just add to the appeal and are the icing on the cake (vulva cupcake anyone?) of what all came together to produce a fantastic, spiritually infused series.

My favorite characters are Eric, Aimee, and Maeve. All of the characters have wonderful stories, but those three have my heart.

I so resonated with Aimee’s struggles with allowing intimacy in her life after being sexually assaulted on the bus, the way she feels safer on her own, they way she avoids conflict as a result, the way she sometimes blames herself for what was clearly not her fault. (As one who smiles at strangers…), but who later learns through therapy, friendship, self reflection, safe connections, and art, to embrace all of who she is sexually and as a whole person. The therapy scene where Aimee voices her pain and self sabotage, with realizing how she has suppressed her own value to the detriment of herself and in having healthy friends, and then what came next, was just mighty! After she shares, Therapist Milburn takes a deep breath, encouraging Aimee to do the same, and then profound words of healing begin: “…what that man did to you…is only about him. And it is absolutely not your fault…”

“How do I get stronger?”

“Oh, I bet you’re much stronger than you think you are.” (Cue the resonant aching of my heart, and the faucet of my tears turned on. And that was only the beginning!)

Aimee and Maeve both feel disappointed by people, something I also relate to. And the friendship between the two is a deep, special bond. The way Aimee discovers her talent in photography in seeing female self portraiture was thrilling. “Maybe it’s because other people don’t see them for who they really are.” A defining statement of the plight of women since time immemorial…

I love Otis and Eric’s friendship. A wonderful example of male friendship, normalizing affection among male friends, guys who can share why they value each other, and even affirm each other’s gifts, “…it’s one of the reasons I love you so much” Eric told Otis. But the show also points out the privilege and the awareness Otis needs to work on. I so love the way Otis embraces Eric’s identity and acts in solidarity throughout their friendship- and, how when Otis fails to do so at times, the way awareness, forgiveness, and an effort to be better plays out. Eric is so authentic. He brought such joy with his alone-in-the-room dancing, his delightful antics, his animated response to his friends’ lives and relationship updates, and his own good happenings. I love his enthusiasm, expressions, and tender heart.

There is a clear and important blend of religion and sexuality, that is admittedly uncomfortable at times, but again, that’s the point. And especially for this Gen-Xer, who was raised in a family like many teen and tweens of the 80’s with “The Talk” which was a singular, “one and done” moment in time, accompanied by (if you were “lucky”), a book by Dr. James Dobson, which was super helpful…(read the sarcasm). We also grew up with a reliance on school sex ed, which was far from comprehensive. Many of our parents were doing the best they knew, and it was probably even more than what they were raised with. And when I became a parent, I vowed to make “the talk” into ongoing conversations, and provide abundant books as gifts, reading them together at times, age appropriate from early on, and from then on. And I hope my kids do even better if they parent or mentor younger people in their lives. That’s how it should be. As it has been said, “When we know better, we do better.” But perhaps you can imagine, or relate to, what it’s like to view a show as revolutionary as Sex Education with the limited background we older generations endured, and even today’s generations still contain. I could feel shame rising in me at certain scenes, revealing how imbedded the limited and harmful lack of comprehensive sex ed., the silence, the lack of acceptance; all that was missing in my upbringing, accomplished. How can I be anything but grateful for the ways I have learned and grown in my own exploration journey over the years, and to see a show like this with such affirmation, manifest? It is so unbelievably freeing, and freedom from life-limiting ways, is yet another Spirit led process.

There were a few scenes/episodes I felt the writer was struggling to find a good fit for, or a justifiable reason to include. But Laurie Nunn, who wrote the show, completed the series superbly. I think her intuition about a stopping point for the show was spot on. One could argue that the self awareness of the characters was quite a bit more developed than it realistically would be in high school/secondary school and early college, but aside from the fact that the actors were older in real life (most of them in their early 20’s playing teenage characters), it was wonderful to imagine and see such self awareness and sex-positivity/inclusiveness playing out on screen, even if that aspect of the show may not be as realistic at such young ages. For the most part, this show was a refreshing take on our very humanity. Unabashed in exploring taboo topics, sticky situations, struggles, identities, and realities. I felt so seen in this show, as I am sure many more viewers did, even more than me. Good shows have the ability to tap into our innermost selves, and it just reiterates that when we may have thought we were healed, we realize we still are healing, or that we haven’t yet, or that we are so grateful we have. The way the characters portray curiosities, worries, self exploration, and trauma is beautiful. So many of the things we deemed ourselves broken about, are unwrapped as normal.

Imperatively, the show fully incorporates diversity, and avoids tokenization the way many shows fail to, and that representation also didn’t make marginalized characters’ struggles their focal point. I appreciated the way legacy preference in education is uncovered in its unethical manner. And it’s not just about teens. There are men learning how to be better men after generations of being hindered by toxic masculinity. There are mature women discussing menopause and the lack of information about it. The viewer grows to love the characters for all of who they are; I know I sure did. The diversity, by the way, was abounding in a full rainbow of sexual identities, family structures, disabilities, socio-economic realities, and revealed the imperfect, human lives of youth and adults, all growing, even learning from each other. Imagine!

I was over-joyed at the way Eric’s character as a gay, Black man was a crucial aspect of exploring one’s faith and sexuality. I shouted an audible “Yes!” with tears when he found his calling to be a pastor. And Amen to God(dess) who is, of course, a Black Woman, guiding us in our existential crises! It was so refreshing to see God portrayed in this way, and also as an unhoused person, a thief, a trans youth offering bread, an angel, in dreams…the God among us, and with us. And it was restorative the way Eric’s character/his family flesh out the identities of faith and queer identity in an ultimately positive way, while reminding churches, and us, of how much work there is yet to do. Shout out the the church choir singing, “Down By the Riverside”- the goosebumps, the tears again! And there it was- the intertwined value of good religion woven with a message important to many aspects of life, religious or not, of laying down burdens…

As a sexual assault survivor x2- once by a gynecologist on my very first visit, and second by an adult volunteer in my high school marching band, and also a survivor of the impact of crushing words from a teacher that damaged my self confidence (like Maeve, mine was in a writing class, too), this show validated my own ongoing healing (even still at age 51) from those horrific traumas. For Aimee – the way her assault changed her, and impacted her struggle with being intimate, and her healing through therapy, the friend who knew the importance of reporting, the scene where the girls in detention find in common how they bond with the fact that they have almost all experienced unwanted sexual advances, harassment, or assault. Then they go and smash things at the junkyard! Catharsis! A powerful bonding and ritual of letting go. And the group of them in solidarity with Aimee in getting back on the “stupid bus” was incredibly moving. When Aimee heals through her photography, and then burned the jeans, people! Healing rituals! I cried at every one of those scenes. When Maeve’s self perspective and passion was squashed by her professor’s words, I was taken back to the same incident that happened to me. And when Jean said, “Don’t let one teacher dictate your future” tears rolled again, and then again when she later told Professor Molloy that, “as a teacher, your words hold a lot of power…you don’t get to be the gatekeeper of my dreams.” Pivotal and superb!

Can we talk about some more of the powerful lines in this show?! I mean, wow:

“Sexuality is fluid. Sex doesn’t make us whole, so how could you ever be broken?”

“Sounds a bit racy…”
“Well, if by ‘racy’ you mean highly researched and completely essential to the health and well being of our children, then yes!” (Shout out to comprehensive sex ed., and to Emily Nagowski’s book, “Come As You Are”, which also gets mention in the show! I had read this book before watching this show, along with purchasing copies for my loved ones.)

“You may never be the old you, Amiee, but that’s okay. As human beings, we are constantly changing and developing. And by processing this trauma, you may gain clarity on the event itself, and we can move you towards healing the relationship with your body again.”

“You’re 17, you don’t have to have it all figured out yet.”
“[But] This is not the message the world is giving me.”
“Maybe just try being Jackson Marchetti for a bit.”

“Maybe…I am learning from my brave son.”

“Women like to feel like they’ve been heard.”

“Is there too much power in multiple otherness for you?” (Bam!)

“Enough! It’s supposed to be school. Not somewhere we should feel afraid.”

“Because when shame is used as a weapon, it doesn’t just hurt people, it can damage them, forever. But the opposite of shame, is pride…”

“So if you agree that communication and empathy are better tools than silence and shame, then join us in asking your school for better!”

“When we give teens information, agency, and trust, there’s a much higher success rate…”

“It’s what most artists do- they are brave enough to show the weirdest, most vulnerable sides of themselves in their work, which helps a lot of people feel not as alone.”

“You should never give someone the power to humiliate you. You’re great. Just as you are.”

“The issues that we’ve talked about have always been there; people just didn’t feel safe enough to raise them. That’s what’s changing.” (Thank God for that!)

“Otis, I can’t glam myself alone for five hours!”

“I am a mess, but I think all teenagers are, and that’s why I think it’s so important that we can talk.” -Otis (The vulnerability he shared before that quote, too!)

“I feel like it’s giving gay Jesus.”
“We totally are gay Jesus. We are gay Jesus!”
“In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
“Girl!” (Amen!)

God to Eric: “Today was the start of a long and hard road, but I will be with you, every step of the way. You will change hearts and minds, and let everyone know that I love them for who they are.” (The scene following that quote is so beautiful; his calling put immediately into action.)

The funeral scene, people. Maeve’s eulogy opened the both/and door to our paradoxical reality of human flaws and human gifts packaged in one life; in all our lives.

If you’re struggling watching this show, if you’re uncomfortable, if you’re not sure it’s worth it, keep watching. (Assuming you’re reading this despite the spoiler warning!) The final season (it’s only four seasons), and especially the last three episodes, will have your emotions all laid out. Have your tissues near! The insightful arc of each character’s development was truly inspiring, representative, healing, emotional, real, and not always working out in a pretty bow. This is life, people. Bittersweet. Flaws, anxieties, insecurities, vulnerabilities, complicated relationships, people who are educated and wise and in positions of power who also struggle with their own wounds, such as the astute and supportive therapist who struggles with boundaries in her own relationships with her partners and her son. Traumas, romance, mental health, physical health, how toxic masculinity impacts all of us, embracing ourselves and our calling; all of it was written and acted in truly remarkable ways.

When I was young, in my teens and twenties, and even into my 30’s, I was not able to stand my ground as the characters found their ability to. Of course, that’s part of the show writing in needing to resolve storylines, but to see them do so was the viewers’ way to live vicariously, as I did, and deeply therapeutic for those of us who never had the chance to do so in real time.

The show is a compelling reminder of the power of choice in what we choose to do (or not to do- which is just as critical, and just as acceptable), in discovering who we are, and with such heart and humor, this show has the guts to address real life in all of its messiness and wonder. The scenes where characters tap into what brings them joy, and what makes them uniquely and beautifully *them* are both tender, and empowering. It is a reminder of how sexuality is a part of so many aspects of our being, not just what happens in the bedroom. It is a reminder of the spirituality of sexuality, and the vast, creative expression such a gift cannot help but to illustrate.

What do you want your art to say?

Bonus: The final dance scene to FOOTLOOSE?! Are you kidding me? How could it get any better?!

Brilliant. Sex Education gets 4 1/2 out of 5 stars.

(Note: Most of the time, I do my movie or mini-series reviews on Letterboxd. Occasionally, I write them in this blog, or both. Letterboxd only allows reviews for movies and mini-series, not lengthier shows with several seasons, hence my review of Sex Education in this blog. But since I often write with a theological lens, it was also appropriate to included my review of it here. Anyway- my point is, if you’d like to read other movies and miniseries I’ve reviewed at Letterboxd, follow my page here: https://letterboxd.com/brenjgoody/films/ I recently wrote a review on the miniseries show, “Adolescence” on Netflix which was incredible, and personally relatable. Read it here: https://boxd.it/9aue1f)